Zombie Prep Team Bio: The Photographer

Nickname: Dex

Team Role: Model

Job before the incident: Military Reporter

Skills: Photography, Videography (both of which are obsolete without working cameras or power supply for cameras), negotiation, moderate survival/camping skillz

Weapon of choice: 12 gauge shotty, my mind

Motto: It is what it is… drive on.

Spirit Animal: Raccoon

Theme Song: Anything by Led Zeppelin will do

Class: of my own

Alignment: 90 degrees

Favorite post apoc/zombie movie/tv show/book, etc: Walking Dead

Favorite 80s cartoon character and why? Scooby Doo… cause he’s got a sweet ride and scooby snacks!

Favorite creative method to kill a zombie: Cattle Gun (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Captive_bolt_pistol)

Your suggested method to survive the apoc?: Hunker down initially then seek fellow survivors to create small secure communities. Large stone walls would be built to secure an area for more freedom of gardening and all around movement within the newly formed micro community.

If they made a movie about The History of Zombie Prep Team, what actor/actress would play you? Either John Cusack or Rowan Atkinson. Depends on if it’s a comedy or drama.

Your arch-nemesis (besides zombies): Large birds. If there’s an ostrich…I’m outta here.

Zombie Prep Team Bio: The Captain

The following information was provided by The Captain:

Nickname: Capn’ Cruncher

Team Role: Master Baiter

Job before the incident: Unemployed/ part of the problem, not part of the solution

Skills: Jack of NO trades master of one?

Weapon of choice: Bear Hands, in fact grizzly bear hands

Motto: There’s no I in team but if you rearrange the letters it spells meat… aka zombie meat, but I digress “I’m not your dad kid”

Spirit Animal: Apollo Creed

Theme Song: Don’t Stop Me Now- Queen

Class: lower middle

Alignment: Chaotic Stevil

Favorite post apoc/zombie movie/tv show/book, etc: Shaun of the Dead

Favorite 80s cartoon character and why? He-Man because when he doesn’t have powers his name is Adam

Favorite creative method to kill a zombie- Luring zombies by yelling brains and then spitting Bacardi 151 on the face and nonchalantly throwing a lit match

Your suggested method to survive the apoc? Stay behind everyone else

If they made a movie about The History of Zombie Prep Team, what actor/actress would play you? That skinny weird looking kid from Road Trip… or Jessie “the body” Ventura

Your arch-nemesis (besides zombies): Erick Banks

Zombie Prep Team Bio: The Tool Man

The following was provided by the Team Welder:

Nickname: Bone Saw

Team Role: Taking Names, Chief Welder, Driver

Job before the incident: “Tool” Repairman

Skills: Welding shit onto our ass-kicking zombie slaying vehicle, tiger blood.

Weapon of choice: Bone Saw of Omens

Motto: “If it ain’t broken, break it.”

Spirit Animal: Animal

Theme Song: The Final Countdown by Europe

Class: None

Alignment: Chaotic Good

Favorite post apoc/zombie movie/tv show/book, etc: “Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things” by Bob Clark (the guy that directed “The Christmas Story”)… incredible.

Favorite 80s cartoon character and why? Panthro, because he’s a mutant slaying Thundercat with huge spikes on his suspenders.

Favorite creative method to kill a zombie. Anything that involves sawing through bones, no creativity needed.

Your suggested method to survive the apoc? Like ‘Red Dawn‘, but replace the Soviets with zombies.

If they made a movie about The History of Zombie Prep Team, what actor/actress would play you? Dulf Lundgren

Your arch-nemesis (besides zombies): Bats and spiders that have fur and/or can jump.

Zombie Prep Team Bio: The Leader

The following was provided by The Leader:

Nickname: “Morgan Freeman”

Role: Great Emancipator

Prev Job: Mild mannered civil servant

Skills: rope bridges (see picture), orienteering, tracking man and beast, fries a mean pan of bacon

Weapon of choice: Firearm: AK-47 ripped from the hands of a flesh-eaten Chinese soldier.  Melee Weapon: hatchet

Motto: What would Lewis and Clark do?

Spirit animal: Mallard duck

Theme song: Won’t back down by johnny cash or baby keep smiling by lou bega if my first choice is taken

Class: ‘ 97 or level 3 mage. Wait, could you repeat the question? Final answer: yes.

Alignment: I hang to the right

Fav show: Zombieland

Favorite 80s cartoon character and why?: Silverhawks. Got no recognition, still no movie, but they were the most badass of them all.  Especially Bluegrass.  A space cowboy hat?  Yes!  I want one!

Favorite creative method to kill a zombie: Complications in childbirth.  Ha! Good guys win again, Zombies.

Your suggested method to survive the apoc?: Have a plan; execute the plan; kill any motherfucker who tries to stop you.

If they made a movie about The History of Zombie Prep Team, what actor/actress would play you?: Morgan Freeman.

Your arch-nemesis (besides zombies): Kahn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Declaration of Carvacuation

As those who survived sifted through the ashes, they came upon the document we’ve come to know as The Declaration of Carvacuation written by the Great Leader in the time before. His wise words provide insight into his own preparation for that inevitable moment when one needs to bugout and get the hell out of  town. In the document, he details how he would prepare his vehicle for said evacuation.

How the document survived the massive destruction is a mystery, and experts say this is cannot be the complete document as there are obvious items missing from the list like Duct Tape and Hard Liquor. And many are baffled at how anyone could willingly drink Crystal Light. However, still to this day our children study these sacred words, writing the list over and over (as illustrated in the photo), committing this list to memory, taking great care to  always be prepared.

An excerpt from that ancient text is set forth below:

“This list is based on a few provisos: I want this all to be stored in a small to medium sized tote in the trunk of my sweet ass mini-van.  I won’t regularly keep a gun in the car.  I am storing 10 gallons of gasoline in the garage.  I can generally count on having 3 or 4 blankets in the car, as well as jumper cables, flat repair equipment, etc.  Plan A is to travel to a destination within 8 miles straight-line distance, 9 miles normal unobstructed driving.  Plan A location is well-stocked, so most of the things below are for contingencies like an obstructed route, or having to set up camp for a night or two.

WARMTH & SHELTER

. Space blankets
. Cigarette lighter

COMMUNICATION

. Eton Microlink radio (hand-crank, with NOAA W-Band, flashlight, & cell phone charger)
. One Walkie Talkie (the other one with me, for communication if we’re separated)

FOOD & WATER

. Power bars
. Water purification tabs or hand-pump water filter
. Crystal light
. 2L of bottled water

HEALTH & HYGIENE

. Toothbrushes for everyone & Toothpaste
. Bar soap
. Disposable razors
. Full first aid kit
. Antibiotics

TOOLS ETC.

. Bolt cutters
. Cats paw
. Box of ammo
. Multi tool
. 12V inverter
. Batteries
. Bone saw
. Folding shovel
. 30 feet of rope

CULTURE & ENTERTAINMENT

. Bible
. Playing cards
. Notebook and pencils
. Crayons

NAVIGATION

. Compass
. Pittmon map

The First Mission: Lake Carl

And so it was that soon after the group was formed, their great leader announced what would be their first mission as a Zombie Prep Team. They were to set out and conquer…Lake Carl (please use a deep, booming voice to make this announcment more dramtic as you read it. Thank you.)

Yes, Lake Carl, rumored to be named after the great-great grandfather of Zombism. Either that or it was named after some desk jockey who worked at the Department of Fish and Wildlife who just wouldn’t shut up about how everyone else had a lake that was named after them, so why couldn’t he just have one? Day after day he would sit and mope around the office untill…You know what, Carl? Fine, here…we’ll name this one Lake Carl…you happy now Carl? You passive-aggressive little…See, this is why no one likes you Carl.

Anyway, where was I? Ah, yes, Lake Carl…a great spot to begin our story about the team that survived the apocolypse. And little did the team realize all that would await them on this new adventure.

Every End Has a Start

For in the days before what we now refer to as the “incident,” there was one group of friends who, wisely, banded together to form a post-apocalyptic zombie preparedness team, which mostly consisted of them going camping and acting like fools. However, long story short, that preparedness paid off, bitches, for they lived to blog about their adventures.  This is that blog and these are their stories.

So it was that the team was formed on The Book of Face, the ancient social networking website. And on the thirteen day of the month of March, in the 2011th year of our Lord, it was destined that one would be chosen to lead them. For reasons that remain a mystery to this day, he would come to be known as “The Great Emancipator” (Manny for short). Chosen by divine right, he would lead us into the wilderness for spiritual awaking and drunken debauchery (not necessarily in that order).

And there were others who heeded the call to prepare for the end. Stay tuned to learn more about this legendary team and  hear in their own words the great tales of their survival.